Syntax of Things

C10H14N2

No, your eyes aren't deceiving you.  The promised site makeover did not take place this weekend.  Instead, I went and did something as stupid as begin attempt number (I lost count) at quitting the goddamn cigarettes.  I would have posted this yesterday but most people that know me and know my dependence on the evil tobacky would have accused me of an April Fool's joke, but this is for real.  Too real.  Painfully real.

Less than 36 hours in and I'm ready to commit some sort of lechery, but it would have to be an act that I could do from my office chair because I don't much feel like getting up at this point.

Not that I'm completely off the nicotine.  For this attempt, I'm using Nicotrol,* which is an prescription inhaler of sorts.  You get this little vial of nicotine, stuff it in a plastic crack pipe, and suck on it for about half an hour or until the vaporized nicotine quits burning your throat.  The goal is to slowly ween myself from needing to have the inhaler permanently attached to my lip.  We'll see how long that takes. 

But even with this constant source of nic, my body knows that something's up.  After all, it's not getting the 300 other chemicals that it gets from an average cigarette.  Not to mention the fact that my brain, the evil organ, knows what I'm doing and realizes that for the next two weeks to a month to godknowshowlong that all bets are off, that it (if my brain's an it) and I will be locked in a battle for survival.  It both wanting and not wanting, me not wanting and needing, us going at it until tears stream from our withdrawn eyes and we have to be prescribed something that will make the pain go away.  Or we just call a truce and smoke a peace inhaler.

You get the picture.

So bear with me while I work on restoring clarity.  Might take a few days.

*This means that I have now tried cold turkey, nicotine gum (two flavors and two strengths), the patch, nicotine lozenges, and Zyban.  I have yet to try hypnotism or a lobotomy, both of which are quickly moving up the list of potential solutions to the problem.

Clearing the Smoke Screen

I'm going to be off my game for the next few days.  Once again, for the second time in less than a year, I'm attempting to quit smoking.  Most of you will remember the first attempt last November which lasted until Christmas when I fell off the tobacco wagon and landed in a pile of nicotine addiction.  I wish I had a story as good as my pal Ed who smoked his first cigarette in some time and ended up in jail.  But nothing that romantic happened to me.  Actually, it was just a night at a bar in a state that still allows smoking in bars and I couldn't resist the urge.  I promised myself that as soon as I got back to San Diego I would stop again, but on the way home, I found out about the baby.  Soon after, we started planning the move away from San Diego.  It was too much stress for a guy who uses smoking for stress relief. 

Now here I am a few months away from the birth of my baby and I need to make good on my promise to Elaine, to myself, and to my baby that I will give up this habit that's killing me slowly and robbing me of diaper money.  That's why e-mail may go unanswered for the next few days, blog posting will be hit and miss, and if you see me in the streets make sure not to give me that look.  Actually, there's no fear of seeing me around town because I'll be under covers hiding from the baby that keeps crawling across my ceiling. 

And sucking on nicotine lozenges.

Your Help Appreciated (The LHB Update)

As a sort of farewell to a longtime companion, I'm trying to put together a music compilation full of songs about cigarettes, but with my brain still fried by the need for nicotine (though it is starting to ease somewhat three days removed from my last smoke) I'm having a hard time coming up with much to put on there.  So far, I can think of only two songs: Dramarama's "Last Cigarette" and The Smithereens "Cigarette".  I guess I could extend this to smoking in general, such as "Smoking in the Boy's Room." 

So, if you need some homework for this weekend, give me a few suggestions.  It doesn't have to be in the title or the main theme of the song, just a nice mention of cigarettes or smoking or quitting.  I'll post the results and possibly the compilation once I've put it together.

UPDATE:  Moving the songs up from the comments section and adding some songs I remember or have searched out:

"Last Cigarette", Dramarama
"Cigarette", Smithereens
"Another Puff," Jerry Reed (Bonnie)
Quitting Smoking Song," Princess Superstar (Bonnie)
"Nicotine and Alcohol," Mark W. Winchester (Bonnie)
"Stop Smoking," Rich Medina (Bonnie)
"The First Time I Quit Smoking," Tommy Mandel (Bonnie)
"You Cannot Quit Smoking," Nathan Asher & the Infantry (Bonnie)
"One Cigarette Away," the Supersuckers (Vargas)
"Three Cigarettes in an Ashtray", Patsy Cline
"Love Is Like a Cigarette", kd lang
"Crooked Cigarette", Rev. Horton Heat
"Smokin'", Joni Mitchell
"Another Puff", Jerry Reed
"Good Year for the Roses", Elvis Costello (Jenny)
"I Hope That I Don't Fall in Love With You," Tom Waits (Cynthia)
"A Day in the Life," The Beatles (Cynthia)
"Cigarettes Will Kill You," Ben Lee
"Smelling Cigarettes," Fiery Furnaces
"Cigarettes," Greg Dulli
"Dead Man's Cigarettes," I Am Kloot
"Cigarettes and Alcohol," Oasis
"Cigarettes and Coffee," Otis Redding
"More Cigarettes," The Replacements (how could I have forgetten this one???)
"Deckchairs and Cigarettes," The Thrills
"Red Vines," Aimee Mann (Carolyn)
"The Hymn for the Cigarettes," Hefner (Carolyn)
"Ashtray Monument," Jawbreaker (Scott)
"Chesterfield King," Jawbreaker (Scott)
"Rock and Roll Suicide," David Bowie (Levi)
"Cigarette," Lael Alderman (Lauren)
"Smoke! Smoke! Smoke! (That Cigarette)," Tex Williams (Jim)
"Can't Hardly Wait," the Replacements (Matt)
Lambchop's entire album, How I Quit Smoking (Joel)
"Last Cigarette," Boo Hewerdine (Craig)
"Jesus Etc." Wilco (Sami)
"Cigarette," Ben Folds Five (Sami)
"What She Said", The Smiths (Ear Farm)
"Cigarette Dangles", The Pursuit Of Happiness (Lalitree)
"Cancer," Joe Jackson (Kurt)
"Little Jimmy," The Who (JS)
"Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk", Rufus Wainright (Susanne)
"Cigarettes, Whiskey, and Wild, Wild Women", Buck Owens (Susanne)
"Asshole", Dennis Leary (Susanne)
"Cigarette In Your Bed," My Bloody Valentine (Aaron)
"Nicotine Bomb," Mission of Burma (Aaron)
"Cigarette Sandwich," The Scud Mountain Boys (Rolfster)

NaNo, NaNo

National Novel Writing Month kicked off today, and once again, I won't be participating.  Not that I don't think this a worthy goal, but if you could see my schedule for this month you'd see that I'd be lucky to finish a paragraph, much less 50,000 words.  I have noticed a couple of bloggers that I read regularly are participating, so good luck to Scott and Cindy.  I'll be tracking your progress and can't wait to see the finished results.

As far as my lofty goal for this month--other than staying sane, which might be the loftiest goal I've ever had at this point--I've penciled in November 15th as the day that I will smoke my last cigarette, meaning that the 16th will be my official quit date.  It also happens to be my 35th birthday, so if you're looking for a present to give me, and I know you are, I'll be happy with some nicotine gum.  Or cash.

By the way, if you're participating in NaNoWriMo, leave a note in the comments.  I don't want to leave anyone out.

Down in Smoke

Before you ask, yes, I do plan on keeping my promise to quit smoking by year's end.  I know I'm running out of time and I haven't taken step one toward putting down the cancer sticks, but my intention remains.  So no need to email me the link to this story:

The team found that men with higher scores on the lifetime alcohol problems scale (LAPS) and those who reported a higher number of pack-years of smoking (i.e. packs of cigarettes smoked per day times number of years) both had lower IQ scores and lower scores on a test of global proficiency.

At least I've taken care of the alcohol problem thing.

Everything and Still Some

Thanks for all of the horse racing advice.  I'm going to spend the morning prepping, studying racing forms, looking at pictures of horses with funny names, and picking out the perfect hat to wear to Del Mar.  Instead of the regular goodness you've come to expect <cough>, I'm giving you a quick rundown and update of all the categories I've used here at Syntax of Things:

Baseball:  The Braves have regained their rightful place atop the division standings.  Ok, so they're tied for first, but it's been a long two months of waiting for the inevitable.

Books & Writers:  I will be picking up the McCarthy novel at some point before going out to the track.

General:  According to this report: "The central Appalachian states lead the nation in toothlessness. More than 32 percent of Tennessee residents surveyed last year had lost six or more teeth because of decay or gum disease, according to the Centers for Disease Control. That number was 38 percent in Kentucky and 43 percent in West Virginia, which holds the distinction of the most toothless state. Kentucky ranked No. 1 in toothlessness in 2003."

Hell in a Handbasket:  The Patriot Act is well on its way to renewal.  Doesn't that help you sleep better at night?

Images: 

Fisherman on Martha's Vineyard, Mass. display a massive 1,100-pound tiger shark Sunday, July 17, 2005. Unfortunately, the fisherman failed to capture first place in the monster shark derby because their boat was six minutes too late in returning to Oak Bluffs harbor with its catch. (AP Photo/Chris Lewis, ohmycod.com)

Impressions Before Reshelving:  I need to do a better job with the category.  To be honest, I forgot that I'd created it.

Load of Links:  See any post this week.

Music:  Bradley's Almanac has mp3s of Dinosaur Jr.'s recent homecoming show.  I've always been a fan of their cover of the Cure's "Just Like Heaven."

Ramblings:  No time for rambling today.  Got horses to study up on.

San Diego:  Well, let's see.  Our mayor resigned shortly after being named one of the three worst mayors in the country.  Within moments of the interim mayor's ascendancy to power, he was convicted, along with another city councilman, of taking bribes from some strip club owners who hoped they would help repeal San Diego's "no touch" law. There was actually a third councilman convicted, but he died last year of liver failure brought on by some heavy drinking (allegedly).  Well, the two convicted councilman have now resigned, meaning that I am without representation until at the earliest November.  Meanwhile, we are to elect a new mayor this Tuesday and I don't think anyone gives a damn. 

Smoking:  Operation Quit-by-Christmas is still in the planning stages.  Considering hypnotism.

Sports:  "It is 'Faith Night' at the ballpark. The Class A Hagerstown Suns are among the minor league teams, mostly in the South, that will bring in Christian entertainers, have players give their testimonies, conduct faith trivia quizzes for prizes and have giveaways that could include biblical bobble-head dolls." (emphasis mine)

Television & Movies:  SoT recommends: Me And You And Everyone We Know

The Books I've Read:  I hope to have a sidebar up soon showing the list of books I've completed this year. Right now, I'm on book 32 of 2005, a little off of last year's pace but not bad considering the lack of time I've had this year.

The IJ Report:  Done, done, and done.

The Kerouac Project:  On hold.  Blame the recent slate of new books that have kept me away from Kerouac.  I still want to do this but for now Jack will have to wait.

Tour of California League:  Geoff and I will be hitting the road in August to check out the new park in Stockton and the non-Cal League stadium in Fresno.

Weather:  This is usually my least favorite time of year to live in San Diego.  Long months of no rain in the forecast.  Incredibly enough, we have a significant chance of some thunderstorms over the next few days thanks to a nice monsoonal flow and the remnants of the latest Atlantic hurricane.  This does mean that the humidity has gone up significantly, and along with a heat wave it makes for some uncomfortable sleeping in an apartment that has only one window a/c unit. 

Would You Like Fries with That:  This is the one project/category that I want to finish before the end of the year.  That's my goal, but I'm not making any promises.

The Butt Still Remains

More here. {via}

Ask Dr. SoT

It will be interesting to see what the state that introduced the indoor smoking bans to the world will do about this sudden and alarming spike in adult obesity.  Of course, thanks to the ban, smokers are the only segment of the population to have lost weight in the last ten years because we have to walk great distances to find a legal smoking area in this state. And everybody knows that you gain weight when you quit smoking. 

Blowing Smoke

I won't be holding my ever-shortening breath, but if the drug makers can come up with a magic pill to help those of us addicted to coffin nails, I'll be first in line to volunteer as a guinea pig:

While nicotine patches, gums, lozenges and sprays help wean smokers off cigarettes by slowly reducing their dependence on nicotine, researchers are tailoring drugs to mimic or block nicotine's chemical reactions with the body....

Researchers hope that the drug will attach to nicotine receptors in the brain, preventing overpowering cravings from setting in when someone stops smoking.

I did try Zyban, but the results were less than appealing.  Seems I'm allergic, and the hives that resulted made me want to smoke even more.

No More Butts, Fags, Skags, Gaspers (Updated!)

nicked - verb - to be terminated from a position due to being a cigarette smoker <Joe was nicked today after his test came back positive.> See also, smoked.

Can't say I didn't see this one coming.

Weyco Inc., a health benefits administrator based in Okemos, Mich., adopted a policy Jan. 1 that allows employees to be fired if they smoke, even if the smoking happens after business hours or at home.

These are the end times, fellow smokers!  Stock up on the ciggies and get ready for the raids!

Update thanks to MeFi:  Howard Weyers, president and CFO*, has issued a statement defending the company's policy, and it answers one of my questions (poorly):

Despite facts like these, we also get asked: "What will companies ban next - unhealthy eating, drinking, and sexual behavior?"

No. We offer many incentives for employees to make healthy lifestyle choices. Compliance is voluntary, and the result has been a demonstrable improvement in wellness.

Still, anyone concerned about limiting employers' right to specify terms of employment should know that federal law protects people with conditions such as obesity, alcoholism and AIDS. But there's no right to indulge in tobacco use.

Not yet, Mr. Weyers, not yet...
______
*Chief Fascist Officer

Kicking T

For those of us who have tried repeatedly to quit smoking--or at least have thought about it a few times--but who cannot seem to put down the ciggies, a new study announced this week at the Society for Neuroscience Conference in San Diego reveals for the first time that cigarette smoking stimulates the release of opiods (not to mention dopamine) in the brain. Yep, opiods. Thus, when you hear a smoker say that quitting the habit can be more difficult than quitting heroin, there is actually now some proof to this claim.

In other SfN news, researchers believe they have found a connection between continued sobriety in recovering alcoholics and disturbed sleep patterns:

"There is a strong relationship between alcohol and sleep," said Dwayne Godwin, Ph.D., senior researcher. "Many people have sleep problems when they stop drinking. If we could stabilize sleep, or take it back to a normal rhythm, it would address one of the reasons that alcoholics go back to drinking."

Godwin and colleagues studied the relationship between sleep and alcohol in monkeys. They found that in animals that chronically drank alcohol, the brain attempts to increase a particular protein associated with brain waves that are important to normal sleep.

The finding suggests that new medications to target the protein might improve sleep in chronic alcohol users.

Smoke on the Water

Smokers of California (and surrounding states), be aware that we were just a few votes away from losing all smoking privileges on California state-run beaches. Sure, many of the little communities up and down the coast have already started kicking out our butts, but we are still welcomed at some of the more laid back places like Ocean Beach in San Diego, where as long as you can tolerate the boulders of dog poop and the homeless guy sleeping next to you, you can light up and enjoy. But many of the Rob Reiner-like assembly folk in Sacramento want to make sure that our secondhand smoke doesn't sully the salty air. Actually, they claim that their aim is keeping the litter off of their beaches, a stance that most smokers, including myself, have no problem with. But the solution isn't to outlaw something--the act of smoking--that is legal. How about punishing the very act of littering? I guess it makes too much sense.

In case you're curious or planning a visit to Southern California, here's a map of beach communities that love to spend your cigarette tax but that don't want you to enjoy your cigarette on their beach. Plan accordingly.

Public Service Announcement

As one of the few remaining advocates of smokers' rights, I must ask that all of my fellow smokers be smart in choosing a place to enjoy your nicotine fix.

BLACKSVILLE, West Virginia (AP) -- A man smoking in a portable toilet lit up more than a cigarette.

The potty exploded Tuesday when a buildup of methane gas mixed with the lit cigarette, said a spokeswoman for Monongalia Emergency Medical Services.

The methane didn't "take too kindly" to the lit cigarette, she said.

Emergency workers said the man was not severely injured and drove himself to the hospital after the stinky, smoky mess.

This is exactly why I'm careful when smoking in the Central Valley. You just never know.

Bono's Boner

You're an aging rocker still capable of putting out some rather fine music, a Nobel Peace Prize nominee who has had the ear of some the world's most prominent people. From time to time, you enjoy lighting up a cigarette. Unfortunately, you live in a country that has recently passed one of the most restrictive anti-smoking laws on the planet. So it's late and you're hanging out with the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Flea, that ragamuffin bass player whose eyes could convince Jesus to sin, must have held the lighter. "Come on, Bono. You own this place. Hell, you own the country. What are they gonna do? Tell you to put it out?"

Now you have to apologize.

“It was the wee small hours. I was in the company of people from out of town who didn’t know about the ban and for a moment nor did I. I was quickly reminded by the staff and a few friends. I apologized then and I apologize now.”

Bono, remember your own words: Don't let the bastards grind you down.

We Get the Message

Doesn't Al-Jazeera have other things to worry about?

Smoking "even worse" than thought

Cigarette smokers rejoice!

It's been a while since someone actually gave smokers anything but grief. Grouped with the insane and contagious, we've been pushed to the margins of society, outcast despite the fact that we contribute so much to the welfare of this country. We may end up dying prematurely, but the coffin nails that we buy every day end up building the roads and the schools and paying for lawyers' kids to become lawyers who will end up further profiting from our habit.

Sure, Jim Jarmusch's Coffee and Cigarettes is about more than our precious habit. Plenty of non-smokers will love this movie. After all, where else will one see a filmed conversation between Tom Waits and Iggy Pop? Or Jack White discussing Tesla with Meg? Coffee fans will probably claim this movie as their own. Caffeine deserves a break, too, but every once in a while, researchers find something positive about coffee.

More than anything, this movie will make you miss the days of sitting in a cafe, ordering a cup of joe while reaching for the ashtray. I guess the black and white film reminds us that the anti-tobacco nuts have had their way. They try to separate us from others, from our food, from our drinks, from cigarettes. Discussing ideas or everyday life is hard to do from the curb while people are walking by shaking heads in disgust. Gone are the days of a bowl of cigarettes on the coffee table. In time, even the coffee may be removed from the table.

No one has to remind me that my habit is filthy, that I stink up the elevator after my smoke break, that food--even coffee--will taste better if I quit. One day I will. Until then, I'll enjoy my Camel Light from the comfort of my secret hiding place.

By the way, my main complaint about the movie is that it made me want to smoke. An hour and a half of watching others smoking will do that to you. Be warned those of you who have serious nicotine habits: wait for the DVD or you might find yourself biting off all of your nails after fifteen minutes.

Malibu Hates Smokers

So it's come to this. No more smoking on Malibu's public beaches.

May they suffer a plague of sand fleas!

Dear Irish Smokers

I feel your pain.

Sincerely,

California Smoker

Just Leave Us Alone

This pisses me off.

And now it looks as if the good folks in Ireland will have to deal with the same absurd smoking ban that many American smokers--especially those of us in California--have been faced with for some time now.

There's Smoke in Your Eyes

I've long neglected adding a category that is near and dear to my, um, lungs. (Perhaps not so dear, but anyway.) I've been a smoker for almost half of my life, and for half of that time I've been thinking about quitting. Like Twain said, quitting is easy, I do it a couple of times a day. So for all of us who pay for the roads and the school improvements and the airport runways but who are made to feel as if we were George W. at a Mensa gathering, this category is for you.

+ The Female Celebrity Smoking List {link from pullquote}

Oh, and happy Valentine's Day.