Syntax of Things

Shazbot

I guess some people are actually interested in seeing War of the Worlds; others of us would rather watch paint dry.  Still, the subject of alien invasion and martians can be a fascinating one and has a rich history in books going back to at least the days of Swift.  This article in Astrobiology Magazine highlights the role of Mars (and briefly answers the question, "Why Martians instead of Jovians?") in literature:

Jonathan Swift (1667-1745), the great Irish writer and satirist, makes a curious reference to Mars's satellites in Gulliver's Travels. In the book, astronomers on the fictional island of Laputa (whose king is fond of solving mathematical problems) are said to have discovered two satellites around Mars. Swift details the orbital mechanics with reference to Kepler's laws.

Field Day

Welcome to Syntax of Things' first remote post.  I'm sitting in my backyard next to the compost pile admiring the wonder that is fresh air, or would be fresh if it weren't for the fact that I'm next to a compost pile.  Anyway, the wireless has a better than average connection, and if this one fails, it appears that one of my neighbors has an unsecured network just waiting to be used.  And while that might be considered stealing, I promise to put the bandwidth to good use.  For instance:

If you can guess the final 15 books out of the 100 listed as Vintage Future Classics, you'll win all 100 of these books.  If #5 makes it, I'm reevaluating my taste in future good books.

Yet another attempt at solving the riddle of Shakespeare's sonnets.

The New York Times has a nice profile of and interview with KCRW's Nic Harcourt, the man behind Morning Becomes Eclectic: 

Many people would love to know what exactly Harcourt is listening for, but he is unable to provide a simple answer. Surprisingly for someone who plays so much emotional, personal music, Harcourt rarely pays attention to lyrics. What he listens for, he says, is primarily a sound and a feeling -- part of the reason he's so willing to play music in foreign languages -- rather than literary content.

The Decemberists' Colin Meloy is interviewed by Douglas Wolk at emusic:  "The scene around the band is incredibly unhip in some ways; we're decidedly anti-hip, and I think that people who come to our shows and buy the records enjoy that idea."

Check out the Turnpike video archives for interviews and performance footage from such bands as Crooked Fingers, Arcade Fire, The Shins, and much, much more. {via}

I'm happy to hear that one of my old favorite bands, Pylon, is back together.  To celebrate, I'm relinking an mp3 I posted over a year ago.  For those of you REM fans out there, you'll recognize the song, but did you know it was a cover?  Download Pylon's "Crazy"

And yes, it's true that
I'm not the man I used to be
Oh, Ruby I still need some company

Ask Dr. SoT

Admit it.  You've always wondered.  Guess what?  You're not the only one:

Men worried about having a small penis are usually pretty average, but have a false idea of what the normal size is, according to a report in the medical journal Urology.

This best way to reassure men with penile concerns is to educate them, the author of the report says. Men should know that a normal-sized penis is 1.6 inches or more when flaccid or 2.76 inches when stretched out.

The findings are based on a study of 92 patients who went to the andrology department at Cairo University Hospital in Egypt over a 2-year period complaining of a small-sized penis. Each subject provided a sexual history and completed a standard erectile function questionnaire.

Penile length and girth were assessed with a tape measure in both flaccid and fully stretched states. The men were asked what they considered a normal-sized penis and then were informed about the actual normal size.

Untethered

Yesterday, the SoT household celebrated a little Christmas in late June.  Uncle CreditCard (he goes by Cred) bought us a spanking new laptop, complete with a wireless setup, so now we can walk all over the house browsing our favorite cast fetish sites.  Actually, I spent part of yesterday afternoon accompanying the wife to get her stitches removed.  The remainder of the evening, I wore my techie cap and pretended that I knew just what I was doing.  I got the wireless to work, but I can't figure out the damn network thing.  Oh well.

This means that Syntax of Things can now go remote. Expect posts from various rooms of the SoT headquarters, including the library and the magazine room.  Just as when I'm not carrying around a laptop, I'll probably avoid the exercise room.

Anyway, I have a question for you.  Have you bought the George Singleton novel Novel (about a guy named Novel) yet?  Why not?  To further whet your appetite, I give you this short excerpt for your reading pleasure:

MeFi Meta

Cool MetaFilter link of the day: The Invisible Library, "a collection of books that only appear in other books. Within the library's catalog you will find imaginary books, pseudobiblia, artifictions, fabled tomes, libris phantastica, and all manner of books unwritten, unread, unpublished, and unfound."

Boycott Nike or Something

I'm sure you've read about Nike's using a derivative of Minor Threat's 1984 self-titled album cover for one of its ad campaigns without asking the band or record label's permission.  Well, Dischord has issued a statement and a call-to-arms:

Many people have now noticed that Nike has appropriated the Minor Threat artwork and logo for a new skateboard demo / ad campaign. To set the record straight -- Nike never contacted Dischord to obtain permission to use this imagery, nor was any permission granted. Simply put, Nike stole it and we're not happy about it. We are not yet sure what options, if any, we have to stop Nike from using our images to sell their shoes, but if you would like to direct your complaints to Nike that would be a good place to start.

You can email Nike.

Or give them a call:
Nike World Headquarters: 1-800-344-6453 Mon- Fri 6:30 am - 4:50 pm (Pacific Time)

To longtime fans and supporters of Minor Threat and Dischord this must seem like just another familiar example of mainstream corporations attempting to to assimilate underground culture to turn a buck. However it is more disheartening to us to think that Nike may be successful in using this imagery to fool kids, just beginning to becoming familiar with skate culture, underground music and DIY ideals, into thinking that the general ethos of this label, and Minor Threat in particular, can somehow be linked to Nike's mission. In any regard, we would like to thank the many people who have written to us in the last several days to express their outrage, support and encouragement.

Update: Nike pulled the ad and apologized. 

Wildlife Edition

Looks like this is shaping up to be another "Summer of the Shark."  Over the past few days, two teenagers have been attacked off of the coast of the Florida Panhandle.  Of course, that area doesn't need any negative press as it tries to recover from last year's devastating hurricane.  But like the sharks, the media smells blood. 

I spent many summer days swimming in the Gulf with my friends.  None of us gave much thought to sharks.  Every once in a while we would get a warning not to swim out to the first sandbar, but we would pretty much swim where ever we pleased in search of the almighty sand dollar.

Now it has become such a problem that the local sheriff's departments have had to divert their helicopters from patrolling for criminal activity to watching for the felonious shark.  From the Pensacola News Journal: 

Watching from an Escambia County sheriff's helicopter east of Casino Beach, Aaron Dyess, the tactical flight officer, saw familiar shadows of sharks cruising the sand bars about 140 feet offshore near Avenida 23. He video-taped several sharks, estimated at 6 to 8 feet, following schools of baitfish. Near Portofino, he filmed a 12- to 14-foot hammerhead -- which also was following baitfish.

You can see the video here.

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My new favorite ant, replacing the fire ant, which had been on the top of my list since an unfortunate encounter with them which ended with me stripping down to my skivvies in front of a school nurse, is the Yellow Crazy Ant (shown above).  It has a unique method of killing its prey:

Although crazy ants do not bite or sting, they spray formic acid as a defence mechanism and to subdue their prey. In areas of high ant density, the movement of a land crab disturbs the ants and as a result the ants instinctively spray formic acid as a form of defence. The high levels of formic acid at ground level eventually overwhelms the crabs, and they are usually blinded then eventually killed. As the dead crabs decay a bonus source of protein becomes available to the ants.

---

Speaking of ruthless animals, this guy deserves a fate worse than a bed filled with Yellow Crazy Ants.

AV

No explanation needed.  Highly recommended.

Watch: Wilco performing Captain & Tennille's "Love Will Keep Us Together" {via}

Listen: Sufjan Stephen's doing an amazing version of "The Star Spangled Banner" {courtesy & thanks}

Not So Perfect Friendship

I read somewhere once that there's nothing more pathetic than a recovering addict who constantly talks about his or her recovery.  Sure, from time to time, I mention on here that I'm a recovering alcoholic, that five years and a few months ago I took a final swig from a bottle of warm Budweiser and haven't had another sip of alcohol since.  But I can't imagine turning that into a memoir.  First of all, it's a pretty boring story.  I decided to stop, saw that my life would be infinitely better if I wasn't a drunken lout, and through will-power and a supportive wife I've been able to avoid alcohol and AA.  Nothing strange or memoir-worthy happened.  I didn't have vodka bottles hidden in the dog food; I didn't hallucinate colorful animals; I simply drank a lot of coffee, smoked too many cigarettes, and became jealous of people who can handle their booze.

That's not to say that good memoirs haven't been written by the recovering drunk or addict.  Pete Hamil's A Drinking Life and Frederick Exley's A Fan's Note come to mind.  Two years ago, James Frey contributed to the genre with his painful tale of addiction and recovery, A Million Little Pieces.  The SF Chronicle claimed that it "could well be seen as the final word on the topic."  Unfortunately for us, it wasn't.

Loud Prayer

From the 1960 Beatitude Anthology, which I acquired off of a largehearted boy* ebay auction, here's a good one from Lawrence Ferlinghetti:

Loud Prayer

Our father whose art's in heaven
hollow be thy name
unless things change
Thy wigdom come and gone
thy will will be undone
on earth as it isn't heaven
Give us this day our daily bread
at least three times a day
and forgive us our trespasses
as we would forgive those lovelies
whom we wish would trespass against us
And lead us not into temptation
too often on weekdays
but deliver us from evil
whose presence remains unexplained
in thy kingdom of power and glory
oh man

*Much thanks to David for the bonus mp3 cd.  Good stuff.

They're Going to Disneyland

Saying that its eight-year boycott of Disney had cost the company millions of dollars and Michael Eisner his job, the oh-so-compassionate Southern Baptist Convention approved a lifting of the boycott thus allowing its fun-loving members to don the mouse ears and watch reruns of Ellen.  In case you've forgotten, this boycott was meant to punish Disney because, according to the SBC, the company promoted homosexuality.  Now, instead of going after Disney, the Convention has decided that it will take to the schools, asking its members to monitor homosexual activity in America's classrooms and playgrounds. 

Just exactly what is the Southern Baptist Convention's stance on homosexuality?  From an SBC pamphlet, Critical Issues: Homosexuality:

• The many Bible passages that are commonly quoted as condemning homosexuality are valid
• People can change their sexual orientation
• Homosexual orientation is not "caused" by hormonal imbalance or genetic factors, but by an unhealthy relationship with one's parents
• People cannot be pigeonholed into two classifications: homosexual or heterosexual. A continuum exists which includes various degrees of bisexuality
• Although homosexuality is a sin, it is not the unpardonable sin, or the most terrible of sins.
• Homosexuals can only lead moral lives by remaining celibate
• Discrimination against gays and lesbians is proper, in the areas of:
  • employment
  • to protect the (presumably heterosexual) "family"
  • to protect other social institutions¹

Let's not forget that this is an organization that helped defend slavery on the grounds that it was a God-given right to own slaves.  In fact, the SBC finally got around to issuing an apology in 1995 for its racist past: 

The resolution declared that messengers, as SBC delegates are called, "unwaveringly denounce racism, in all its forms, as deplorable sin" and "lament and repudiate historic acts of evil such as slavery from which we continue to reap a bitter harvest." It offered an apology to all African-Americans for "condoning and/or perpetuating individual and systemic racism in our lifetime" and repentance for "racism of which we have been guilty, whether consciously or unconsciously."

It only took them 150 years.  I guess I won't be holding my breath for the next apology.

¹ Religioustolerance.org

Lingering

This time the neck pain isn't going away, so I'm taking another day to recuperate.  Check out some of the fine folks listed to your left.  See you soon.

Dock Feelgood

This highly entertaining article about the enigmatic Dock Ellis begs a couple of questions: 1) were the 1970 San Diego Padres that bad (they finished 63-99, the worst record in baseball)? and 2) Could a mix of Purple Haze acid and Benzedrine help the Colorado Rockies pitching staff?

No Excuses

When the pain gets really bad, I wish I could be like this little kid and have no neck.  I'd hoped that this would be a short bout with the deteriorating disk hell but yesterday it got worse, finally keeping me out of work and in bed under the haze of painkillers for most of the day.  Hopefully, I'll be back to full strength soon, until then I give you these:

Calexico's John Convertino has just released a solo album, Ragland.  You can download the track "Bell Curve" here.

The SundayHerald has a nice piece on Paul Gauguin and the art of Darkness.

For my wife:  how to make an Elvis Post-It Note mosaic. {via}

Madonna is interviewed by a fan; Madonna loses a fan:

By now, big fan that I am, I am feeling rather depressed. Madonna's a keynote figure in our household - my husband's daughter Chloe dresses up as Madonna on the Jewish festival of Purim, and any other day she can get away with it. Desperately Seeking Susan is my all-time favourite movie. Bagging this interview with Madonna was like winning the lottery - only cooler.

But I'm really floundering now at the news that Kabbala is nothing to do with Judaism at all, at the parroted stuff she keeps spouting about reconciling science with spiritualism. I loved Desperately Seeking Susan, but now it turns out she was acting more than we realised - messy bedrooms are so not her thing. I wanted this woman, my generation, my aspirations, to be great. But it doesn't turn out that way.

"Do you want to ask me any more questions?" Madonna says, very levelly indeed. "No, no, it's enough," I splutter. "You must be tired," I think I say.

Ever wondered about the history of punctuation?  This site has a nice overview, including this bit about the question mark:

The basic form of the question mark (?) was developed much later, in sixteenth-century England. Most typographic historians contend that the design for the question mark was derived from an abbreviation of the Latin word quaestio, which simply means 'what'. At first this symbol consisted of a capital 'Q' atop a lowercase 'o'. Over time this early symbol simplified to the mark we use today. {via}

A few years from now when you're flying across the Atlantic on an Airbus, you might want to make sure you know where the emergency exits are.  Why do I say this?  Well, Mobile, Alabama (pronounced MOH-bill), was just named as the site of a future $600 million Airbus factory.

Up in the Skyway

While relaxing on my front porch the last few nights, I've noticed that the moon seemed unusually large.  Perhaps, I thought, it's a result of all the earthquakes causing the ground to shift upward.  Or maybe it's the vicodin.  But, alas, it's only an illusion, though one that isn't easily explained.

You should note that this week's full moon hangs lower in the sky than any full moon since 1987.  Go out in your yard and look at it (see chart in the story linked above for the time in your area).  Or, you can access this high-powered online telescope and enjoy the view from your desk.

Novel Words

How excited am I that George Singleton's new novel Novel: A Novel about a guy named Novel, who has a brother named James and a sister named Joyce, now sits at the top of my To Be Read pile? Very.  To get me ready, and perhaps you interested, here are a few links to some of the more recent reviews of the book:

Clean Boots

From the Neutral Milk Hotel Website:

There are currently plans to release a two-volume set of early Neutral Milk Hotel, featuring music from the early, self-released cassettes, live performances, and unreleased recordings. The band wants to do this as a result of the excessive prices at which bootlegs are currently selling online and elsewhere. They will be available from Orange Twin. No date has been decided upon for released. It could be awhile in the future.

Also, some news about the reclusive Jeff Mangum:

Jeff has been working on a collection of short stories. He also just joined the circus and wants to make a movie about snails.

Anyone have any idea why snails have suddenly become the in thing?

When You Haven't Got Time for the Pain

I'm not sure what can be expected from a guy with a bum neck and a gut full of vicodin and coffee, but I'm going to prove that I'm stronger than the pain. 

Hunter S. Thompson came in third in a BBC's Radio 1 poll which asked who is the "most punk" star ever.  Guess which wanker came in first.

James Frey talks to Newsweek about his new memoir: "I don't want to be a guy who writes books about himself for the rest of his life. Everything from here on will be fiction."  The SoT review of My Friend Leonard will be available by the end of the week.  Promise.

MSNBC has a piece on digital libraries that is worth reading. 

For what it's worth, Spin has listed its top 100 albums of the last twenty years.  Remember, it's Spin.  Don't expect them to go too far out on a limb, but Neutral Milk Hotel does make the cut.  You can see the list here.

The Rocky Mountain News offers up a photo slideshow from the Telluride Bluegrass Festival.  No photos of hippies dancing in the mud?  And they call it a music festival?

I think I've mentioned my inability to watch women's tennis after a little incident involving televised Wimbledon and marijuana pizza while I was in college, but if this referee gets his way, I may be able to try watching again.

Order nesting dolls of your favorite Major League Baseball players. {via}

This might be one of the most unbelievably horrendous news items I've ever read.

Wiki Whack

A good idea, but what did they expect?

A bold Los Angeles Times experiment in letting readers rewrite the paper's editorials lasted all of three days.

The newspaper suspended its "Wikitorial" Web feature after some users flooded the site over the weekend with foul language and pornographic photos.

Priceless

Normally, I wouldn't waste a second of my time on the person pictured above, but it's been quite a few weeks in the headlines for him of late.  My favorite can be found here.

Caretaking

My days as a caregiver came to a painful end Sunday morning when I tried to get out of bed but noticed that I couldn't lift my head off of the new pillows that my wife had bought for me, new pillows which were supposed to help with the frequent neck pains from which I suffer but which ended up being a little too comforting (or comfortable) for a neck that is deteriorating.  So despite plans to finish and review this and start on this, I ended up relying on some of the wife's pain medication to make at least the lounging part of my Sunday tolerable.  Vicodin and reading, however, are not compatible.  After rereading one page for the sixth time, I decided to call it a wasted day of pain and give in to the U.S. Open and a lousy Braves game on the tube.

My poor, booted wife, on the other hand, suffered through a day of absolute boredom.  Unlike me, she has little tolerance of the sedentary lifestyle and after a week of being supine she felt a strong urge to hit the thrift stores and yard sales of San Diego.  Being unable to drive and unable to find a friend without Father's Day plans and with her now bedridden husband unable to drive her around, she was trapped.  By day's end, she was ready to kill someone or something.  "I just need to get away from the television, the computer, this house," she said as she limped down the hallway to hang another picture on the wall.

Thankfully, she is returning to work today, just in time to prevent this from becoming part of our decor.

Happy Saturday Fearless Freaks

The Flaming Lips are encouraging free and open sharing of the bootleg CD that is being given away as part of the promotion for the Lips documentary Fearless Freaks.  If you want a copy, including all of the artwork, skip over to this site and grab it. {via}

I'm off to the DMV; wish me luck.

The Three Most Embarrassing Albums I've Ever Purchased

Stereogum started this; I couldn't resist. (Click on image for full information.)

Sometimes They Write Themselves

We all knew he was an expert on stems:

The University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center at Dallas is planning to establish the Annie and Willie Nelson Professorship in Stem Cell Research. An official announcement is planned later this week, a university official said.

Where I Pay My Taxes

A wise man once told me that if I had an idea which I thought would be for the benefit of humankind I should sit on it for seven years, and after this period if the idea still seemed to have merit, I then should communicate it to the world.  While I haven't had an idea worthy of sitting on, it was seven years ago (and a few months) that a woman saddled up to me at a bar in Pensacola, Florida, and after a few beers and some idle chat revealed that she was planning on moving out to San Diego.

"California?" I asked.

Several months later, in June of 1998, this woman and I packed all of our possessions, her cat, and my dog into her Honda Accord and we began the what turned out to be six-day journey* across the United States to San Diego in California.