TMI

I'll admit that the blog has gotten a little baseball heavy this week, especially considering that I don't have a dog in the hunt this year, but man, I think I just read the most disturbing article ever, especially the details of Barry Bonds's efforts to remain juiced no matter what (and I use the term juice loosely).  Here's a little of what he's reported to have done:

• Desperate to combat the testicular shrinkage that can occur with steroids use, Bonds injected human growth hormone directly into his genitals during the 2002 playoffs — with disastrous results for both him and the Giants.

• In early 2003, owing to the performance-enhancing drugs coursing through his body, Bonds suddenly began lactating, forcing doctors to excise his mammary glands.

• Wary of taking steroids since the BALCO flap broke, Bonds, intent on maintaining his edge, now supplements his diet with "Barry's brew," a homemade high-energy drink made of elk semen that has yielded its own troubling side effects. 

As for the last item, the one that caused me to push aside my Papa John's pizza, there's even more:

According to Leftwich, not long after the BALCO case exploded, Anderson, fearing that his client would need to quit doping, whipped up the first batch of what Bonds would label "Barry's brew." The viscous, foul-smelling protein shake relies on elk semen for its nutritional kick, and with his friend in jail, Bonds has had to assume the task of picking up the special ingredient. So once or twice a month, to ensure he receives the freshest product possible, Bonds drives the 100-plus miles north to the Clearlake elk ranch of Sammy Clemens.

Comments

[tito]

dude, i got the heeby jeebies just from reading the URL of the link

[Varg]

That's a capital W, capital T, capital F.

[CAAF]

The image of Barry Bonds lactating will haunt me.

[Dan Wickett]

Note to self - quit reading SoT right after meals ...

[Varg]

This just in: authors of the article are anagrams for "fiction" and "satire." Though I can't see how the Weekly wouldn't get their asses sued off?

[Jeff]

Basturds!