She Hates Me, She Hates Me Not

I need to find a nemesis.  I don't think Madonna has the time to dip this low on the blog chain to discover how much a guy who can't even spell Kaballah can't stand her.  Or should I say her music.  Because when I say I don't like something, whether it be Madonna or the new Rick Moody novel, it hasn't a thing to do with the person.  If Madonna were to drop me an email and invite me for a spot of tea, I wouldn't turn her down.  Imagine that.  Tea with Madonna.  What would we talk about?  Would she make me drink Kaballah water?  Would she make me vogue?

See, I think Mark of The Elegant Variation is lucky.  He's managed to inspire a guy and an online magazine enough that they would devote five subscriber-funded pages to him.  He gets accused of having a secret crush, is called all sorts of endearing names, and is even referred to as smelling like a cat at one point.  Apparently, Steve Almond believes that Mark and TEV have enough clout that he has to use Salon as a vehicle to take them down.   Madonna, on the other hand, could care less.  She'll put out her album next month and there won't be a single mention of the blog boy in San Diego.

Should I just aim for a more modest nemesis?  Maybe I should go after Jewel.  She's a yodeler and I've made it clear that yodeling is just below Rap on my "all-time things I wish would go away" list.  I don't mind authentic yodeling, the kind done by mountain people in West Virginia.  I'm against the yodeling that isn't really yodeling.  Bright Eyes comes to mind.  Jewel might be a worthy nemesis.

I can think of other possibilities:  Jeff Probst, Chris Burke and the Houston Astros, the toothless lady at the 7-Eleven where I get my lunch Slurpee, the San Diego Reader, Irvine Welsh, hippies, the forty-hour work week, the state of Texas.  I could go on.  But no.  I started this blog because of Madonna and I won't quit until the whole world hates Madonna.  Or her music rather.  Do I smell a cat?

Comments

[TJ]

You could always just get in a blog fight with someone. See how that works out for you. Then maybe you can work your way up to a full-on Salon slapfest.